My child,
I was deeply moved by your letter, which was passed to me by one of my parishioners.
Perhaps we can help each other. My steeple badly needs attention and appears to be leaning violently to one side in spite of the best efforts of the choirboys to keep it erect. My vestibules have woodworm and may not have long to go, so some extra cash would be EXTREMELY useful I can tell you. Please send me details of your bank account, lets get this show on the road, baby. As young Bastible Willie-Choker said to me in the shower the other day 'I'm well up for it'[ He's a little scamp, that one ]

thank you for your kind invitation

St Eve